What You Can't Have
by Tara Phoenix
Summary: Just a short Oneshot. Nothing big or fancy, but I had a dream and this is what came of it. The things we want most are what we often can't have. Please R&R Rated M for language


**I know I haven't put up anything for My other story in a while. I'm almost done with finals then I promise a whole bunch of new chapters. This was just a quick one hour write I did during a car ride. It is based off of a dream I had. I know it won't seem like Z-land for a bit, but keep reading it will I promise. It's kinda dark, but yeah... what are you gonna do? Hope you all enjoy thanks for bearing with me :)**

**I don't own anything.**

**Songs:**

**Fragile by Nine Inch Nails**

**Given up by Linkin Park**

* * *

"What you can't have is what you want most," he said. Blood was dripping down Mia's face. The world around her had gone blurry and it was just like being underwater. Walls of sound and motion encased her and slowly it became nothing but her and the objective. "Make them pay. Make them pay girl! Fight for what they took from you!" he shouted. She gritted her teeth and stood up.

Seven years of chaos had hardened her into an unstoppable force. Seven years since the world had delved into madness. Her muscles ached from all the fighting, but she blocked out the pain. Mia walked down the tunnel from the locker room towards the arena.

She closed her eyes knowing each step by heart. For three years she had been doing this. The roar of the spectators got louder. She opened her eyes and spit out a mouthful of blood feeling the sting of a split lip. Sweat made her skin slick and as she walked she pulled off her t-shirt that was sticking to her back. He took it as she adjusted her black sports bra.

"Give 'em hell!" he shouted before shoving her out. The crowd on either side of the path reached out slapping her and cheering for her. Mia could hardly hear them. Her eyes were fixed firmly ahead on the cage. In that iron box she had killed and fought and conquered. It was the only place in the world where she could distract herself from all the pain on the inside.

She stepped in and the gates closed. It was round seventeen. She focused on her breathing. In and out… in and out… in and out. Mia's eyes snapped to the target. She waited as it charged and didn't flinch as it came close. When the zombie's jaws were inches from her flesh she moved to the side and grabbed its head. Snapping the neck and pulling the head off was child's play. Mindless opponents like the zombies had long since become all too easy for her to face.

"Winner!" the announcer shouted. She dropped the head removing the hair from her fingers. A couple of ring jockeys came and cleaned up the mess as the next contender arrived. Mia turned her back to the boy. She never killed living contestants, but she had never lost a fight. Every time she beat them to an inch of their life to teach them a lesson that she learned the hard way. Trying to be a badass fighter was nothing but a way to get hurt.

The bell tolled before she had turned around. The boy sprinted forward. She let him get a cheep first shot that knocked her to the ground. She landed hard on the bloodied mats, but before he could take advantage of her position she jumped up and grabbed him. He never stood a chance against the lean nineteen year old whose sole purpose was to inflict pain. She kneed him repeatedly breaking his ribs. When she let him go he slumped to the mats.

"Stay out of the ring," she said as he looked up at her for mercy. Mia knocked him in the head and he blacked out. She paced around as more ring jockeys came and took the boy away.

"Winner!" the announcer roared. The crowd cheered and she watched them from inside the cage. How could they find this entertaining night after night?

"How you feeling? Good and loose? The next one is gonna be tough," he said. Mia looked at him though the bars.

"Shut the fuck up!" she spat. The man spat and backed away from the bars. She hated him. She hated him for what he had done.

"Next opponent will be Donny X!" the announcer shouted. Mia looked at the gate where a three hundred pound hulk was entering. His head was shaved bald and every vein he had was popping out. Her gaze fell on the announcer's booth. Some nights they gave her tougher opponents just to be funny. Mia didn't weigh more than a hundred twenty pounds. She was lean and fast and mean, but even those couldn't save her from raw power when it came in the cage.

"Donny X," she said looking at him. Fighting rings were all over the country. She had heard of this guy before. He dominated most of the west coast territories. The most prominent thing she remembered about the tattooed behemoth before her was that he never left an opponent alive. Tonight the announcers weren't being funny.

Mia walked back and forth waiting for the bell. She contemplated why they would kill her. She didn't really mind, but she wondered why they would kill their best fighter. She was the one that the crowd came to see. She was the zombie slayer that had gained international fame.

Donny flexed and cracked his neck. Mia kept a stony face. She wasn't even thinking of the fight. She was thinking about an interview with the 'press' after she had single-handedly killed a horde of two hundred zombies. "What gives you the motivation?" a lady had asked. Mia licked her cracked lips.

"I don't have anything left to lose," she replied.

The bell rung but neither Donny nor Mia moved. They stayed in a standoff waiting on the other to make the first move. He was like a bull. She spit out another mouthful of blood and spit. If tonight was it for her she was going out with a bang.

Mia decided speed was the best weapon she had left and charged him. She didn't count on him being just as fast. His hand caught her by the throat and lifted her from the floor. Immediately his grip had tightened to the point where her ears were ringing and her she was seeing spots. "Is this the best you can do?" he asked. She was powerless to save herself.

When Donny threw her to the mat Mia rolled over and gasped. "So you're just here to play with me?" she coughed.

"They say you're the best. I'm here for a sporting match," he replied sounding completely sincere. She couldn't help but laugh as she stood up.

"I kill zombies not humans and if you're going to kill me, at least put on a good show," she said thinking of the crowd. Almost all the profits from her fights went to a children's sanctuary. Mia had become a bitter calloused person, but she sill had a scarred up heart somewhere in her body.

"I always do," he replied. She narrowed her eyes. He wasn't the stone cold killer she had expected; however the punch he landed to her cheek woke her up. Mia slammed against the iron bars of the cage and narrowly escaped his next punch. She ducked and bobbed trying to keep out of his reach until she had a plan for attacking, but as the round wore on she realized he was better than her.

The bell sounded just after he landed another hit to her stomach making her go to her knees. Donny left the cage while Mia stayed on her knees. The break would be five minutes. He came in the cage and knelt beside her. "You okay kid?" he asked. She spat a glob of spit and blood at him.

"What do you think?" she asked. He gave a half smile and pulled her into a sitting position on a little stool.

"Stay away from his left, that's his powerhouse. Just wear the big guy out then go for his weak spots. Remember everything is legal," he said. She panted only half listening to him. "Play dirty, fight hard. He will kill you," he said. She looked at him.

"You think death is a motivation for me to fight?" she asked.

"You tell me. You've had a million chances to kill yourself between the time I got you and now, but you never took them, so what? Have you just been waiting for a worthy opponent? I wish you would have given me some fucking warning so I could find a new client," he said. She smacked him.

"Thanks for the pep talk. Get the fuck out," she hissed. He rubbed his cheek and left. She closed her eyes and bowed her head.

"Who are you?" she had asked on that fateful day.

"Name's Fin," he replied. He pulled her up out of the mud where she had collapsed after running all night. She collapsed again into his arms. Fin had taken care of her and introduced her to the fights, but he never forced her in. This had always been her choice. Fin had saved her where she would have rather died. Sometimes she almost felt guilty for not caring for him anymore than she did, but Mia just couldn't stand to lose anyone again.

The bell rang and round two started. Immediately Donny grabbed the stool where Mia had been sitting and broke it over her shoulders. She collapsed and crawled away, but he grabbed her ankles and flung her like a doll into the walls of the cage.

Fin bowed his head looking away. All the times he had though she was done before were nothing compared to this. He suddenly knew that tonight would be Mia's last fight. He loved her, but she had always been distant. No matter how many times he tried to get her to talk she wouldn't tell him what had happened to turn her into what she was. She had just been a teenager when he found her all alone, three years after the outbreak.

Mia got up again, but just as she got to her feet Donny was upon her beating her. She felt bones break and blood fly and knew that soon it was going to be over. She had to make a choice. She had to decide if tonight was it. Before she could formulate an answer to the question Donny hit her with a perfect left hook. She went down like a sack of bricks. Everything was blurry and black and grey and white. She knew she was on the mat, but her brain just couldn't put together anything else.

"Little Rock!" Columbus shouted. Mia stood up. "Little Rock run!" he shouted. She watched in horror as the mob grabbed him. Tears soaked her face as she screamed while they tore him apart. His screams subsided relatively fast after the mob enveloped him.

A strong hand came down on her shoulder and pulled her along before scooping her up all together. Tallahassee was limping as he carried her, jogging as best he could, before ducking into an alleyway. "No no!" she screamed. He sat her down and pressed her back against the wall.

"Stay here!" he commanded.

"No no don't leave!" she shouted leaching onto him. He held her close for a moment before pushing her back and looking her right in the eyes.

"You have to run now. Don't look back don't stop," he said tipping up his hat a tiny bit. The zombies were getting louder and she knew soon they would find the ally.

"Where's my sister?" she cried feeling completely helpless for the first time since she'd been very small. Something about his eyes told her what she feared most. Her sister was already dead.

"I'll find her, and then she'll find you. You have to run now Little Rock. Run don't look back. I'll make sure you get a good head start. If you find a car take it and get as far away as you can," he said quickly.

"What? No! You can't! You can't! You can't leave me!" she shouted realizing he was telling her goodbye. She looked down realizing he was bitten. "Tal…" she trailed off.

"Little Rock, please..." he said seeming as though he might cry too. A zombie came around the corner and he took aim killing it.

"I'm so sorry," she stammered through her shuddering gasps. He looked at her with a grieved face and pulled her in for one last hug. Over the last three years she had become his own.

"This is _not_ your fault," he said holding her in the hug.

"Please don't leave me," she cried wanting him to stay with her and make it okay like he always had before.

"Darlin' you know I would stay with you if I could," he said then let her go and stroked her hair one last time. "Get goin' kido," he said limping back towards the ally's entrance.

"Tallahassee," she cried. He shot a couple zombies.

"I told you to get going," he commanded. For some reason her feet were rooted. She looked up one last time and suddenly all the unsaid things between them were out, his eyes let her know everything. She ran away as fast as she could and didn't stop.

"Mia! Mia! Mia!" the screams were just enough to bring her around. Mia rolled over onto her back. She figured her jaw was broken and her eyes were watering so much all she could see was the blurry figure of Donny overtop of her. The screams belonged to Fin who was practically hanging on the cage side.

Donny made ready to finish the fight with a foot to her back, but Mia rolled out of the way catching him off guard. Spurred by the memory of her family's death she got up and took her first real swing at Donny. To her amazement she made solid contact and he stumbled back rotating his jaw.

She realized that there was nothing she could do to stop his next attack and braced for his hit when the bell rang. He left the ring again and Fin ran in grabbing her as she collapsed. "You all right?" he asked. She couldn't speak but she wanted to tell him it was a stupid question. She shook her head a little and gently touched her jaw. Panic set in when she realized it didn't seem to be set at the hinges correctly. Not sure it was physically possible to even have something like that happen Mia tried to not think about her next move too much.

'_This is gonna hurt'_ she though before forcing her jaw open and jerking it back. A pop rattled her whole head accompanied by excruciating pain. It took a moment for her head to stop spinning from the adjustment, but then she looked at Fin. "I never told you why I'm so fucked up," she said. He looked at her shaking his head as if he didn't follow. "I got my family killed because I wouldn't listen. They died because I messed up and tried to fight when they had told me not to. I fucked up and they paid for it and then you found me," she said.

"Mia you… you should keep living for them," he said stumbling for words. She was shaking she had taken so many hits.

"I don't think I can Fin," she said trembling.

"'Course you can Mia," he said.

"Call me Little Rock," she said. He gave her a questioning glance. "Thank you for staying with me… and you were right, what I can't have is what I want most," she said. He nodded not having realized earlier that evening that those words bore such a significance.

"Of course," he said nodded. Donny came back. "Good luck," he said before leaving. Mia stood up and stared down Donny. He looked at her with a hint of pity. She sighed realizing at last why everything had happened this way. She hadn't aimlessly been surviving. She had been attempting to fill the void in her heart where her family should be with the arena. A small smirk crossed her lips. '_How could I have ever thought that would work?'_

The bell rang and she moved as fast as her broken body would allow. She jumped and sunk her fingers into his face trying to get a chokehold on him. It worked and she managed to piggyback on him locking her arms around his neck. He struggled and struggled until finally he ripped her off and slammed her down hard onto her back.

Mia froze and knew that she couldn't get back up. Donny kicked her ribs in and she experienced a whole new sort of pain. She rolled over coughing up blood. And he planted his foot on the back of her neck. She was well aware that if he put his weight down she was done. Blindly fighting for her life she grabbed a piece of the stool and drove it through his other foot.

Donny yowled in pain and reeled back giving Mia a chance to get to her hands and knees. He came at her and she closed her eyes trying to remember anything about fighting. "Nose first," Tallahassee had said.

Mia hit Donny's face with the heel of her hand breaking his nose in a spray of blood. She didn't know how she got to her feet, but she kept pressing forward. "Hit 'em where it hurts," he had laughed. Falling forward more than grabbing him she placed her hands on his shoulders and kneed Donny in the groin. The blow crippled the man.

"Finish it up," Tallahassee had smiled as Little Rock practiced on Columbus, much to the younger mans dismay. Mia twisted feeling every inch of her body protest.

Fin watched from outside of the cage and time slowed as the girl he had truly know for only a few moments struck. Blood was dripping from her lips and nose. Bruises were already covering her body where she had been beaten. Her muscles rippled and he could only imagine the raw power of her last blow.

Mia spun and with perfect form delivered a roundhouse kick to Donny's head. The man went down. She stood over him as he lay unconscious. Blood and sweat dripped off of her as she panted raggedly.

She turned trying to scan the crowd for Fin with her blurring vision, but could no longer make out the faces. The cheers fell on her deaf ears as she looked around. All she could hear was her own feeble breathing.

"Little Rock!" she heard a familiar voice call. Mia spun looking for its owner.

"Mia!" she heard another call. She started to cry.

"Krista!" she shouted in response. As the pain in her body started to fade she finally was able to make out some faces. Running forward she crashed into the embrace of Tallahassee and Krista and Columbus. They embraced her and ferried her away from the arena into the light coming from the entrance tunnel. She cried tears of joy, because at last she had found the part of herself she had been missing.

Fin watched as Mia collapsed. He fought his way into the cage so he could protect her from the crowd. Her eyes had gone glassy and she no longer made ragged breathing sounds. A tear rolled down his cheek as he notes the small smile on her bloodied lips. He brushed her eyes closed knowing she was with her family away from all the pain and chaos of the world. She had finally gotten what she wanted most.


End file.
